Holy writer's block, Batman
I seem to have a severe case of writer's block. I don't believe it's catchy so it's probably self-induced. I'm trying to come up with theories as to why I can't write all the words I want to. Here's what I have so far:
1. I can't actually write and my brain just realized it.
2. I can only think/write in 140 character sentences (I wanted to count that just now)
3. I've watched so many episodes of Good Luck Charlie that I my brain doesn't understand adult romance anymore.
4. There are no more words or original concepts in my head.
However, what I really think it is that I'm in a holding pattern. I'm standing on the edge of the page waiting to see if it'll turn, if I can turn it, or if the book is closed. I'm part of an anthology being released very soon and I'm curious-nervous-excited about how that will go. I have my latest full manuscript, my best one I think, out with six agents by request and a partial of it out with another agent. And not just any agents-- amazing agents. I feel like I'm waiting to see if everyone comes back and says no. If that happens, I have to figure out why. I have to reassess what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. I have to reassess if I should be doing it. My brain might be imposing a self-preserving hold so that if the rejections start coming in on Damaged, I haven't tied myself into another piece of writing that truly matters to me.
Over the last year, I've realized that even when I say I'm going to quit, I don't mean quit writing. I may quit querying and putting myself out there for a bit just to gather some perspective but it's impossible to imagine that I will simply stop writing. It is not easy to put a piece of yourself out there for others to assess and judge. It's also not something I would have imagined myself capable of even eighteen months ago. But the process has made me stronger as a person and a writer. The trick, for me, has been to take the feedback and apply it to my writing. It's hard not to take it personally, because writing is personal, but when you're querying agents you want to stand behind you and your work, it's also a business. They know what they're looking for, what excites them and what they can sell. It is hard to disconnect yourself from your work enough to realize that when they reject your writing, they aren't rejecting you.
So, maybe my writer's block is stemming from my mental preparation to face these facts should the ending not go the way I want. Or maybe my overactive-relentless-non-stop-worrier-brain just needs a break. I'll let you know.
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